following trouble

Life now is something I always loved. Toshi moved up in her career so now she is like a ninja for business. Where there is trouble or some problem in an office anywhere they call mighty Toshiko to save them. She is always able.

In this crazy life and only a couple days after I wrote in here last January we have stay in many towns in many countries.

First was Milan, Italy. We stayed only one week. Toshi worked long and I shopped long. When she worked all night I danced all night. Soon we moved.

We stayed New York, USA (fast and fun – two weeks), New Delhi, India (so hot I stayed in hotel – one week), Berlin, Germany (beautiful women and great parties – one week), Chicago, USA (exploring and there was one tasteful girl – one week), Brazilia, Brazil (OMG the women! – one week), London, England (just a dream – three weeks).

There were many more places but I become bored writing such a long list.

Toshiko worked so hard every day. I did not party every night. Most of nights I stayed in the hotel to help Toshi remember why she works and what waits for her after working.

After we were apart in that terrible time Toshiko and me came together stronger than ever before that. Now we are a powerful team of two with the strongest glue of love. When we go to bed I give all of me to Toshi and she gives all of her. I don’t fuck many other women now when my heart and my body is filled with perfect feelings for my dear Toshiko. Of course there are times when I cannot resist. It is very less often and I always go home before morning. Maybe in time the draw of new flesh will not interest me at all. For now it happens. It is me.

Since two weeks we are in Tokyo once more. My apartment remains. It is in best condition. My friend who stays there moved to stay with her sister until we leave. She has kept it beautiful still.

There is no shadow of the past there now. Memories remain with kindly feelings of happy times. All evil has melted away to the hell. Toshiko may taxi to her office and I may walk a very short way to Omotesando to shop and enjoy coffee and cakes with dear friends.

What pleasure it is to run around the park once again that surrounds our precious Emperor’s and Empress’s great palace. Once more I hear the sounds of my sport shoes slapping the earth and my breath taking the air of our wonderful city into my body. Even though I wear a mask to filter the air from cars it is joy that fills the heart to be in this place.

I know that soon we will move on once more to another city somewhere in the world. This knowledge does not take away one miniature piece of the happiness to be here. One’s own country holds such power to go with you wherever you go.

My phone is ringing. Please excuse me for a moment.

It was Toshiko. She saved me. When I was writing of my country I began to cry. Now the tears have dried but still I will hold the tissues nearby. We must leave for Lyon in France on Sunday. Our circus of two must roll on to another place so soon. Never mind. It is a sweet life to travel the world with my Toshi.

More soon.


愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Yumi


return of the Yumi

It has been the longest time and now is the time to come back.

Many things change in this life. I am not different in this way. For Toshiko and me life is now sweet once more. Of course it is different in many ways. But. It is full of love.

I write here a short time only today to say hello once more. Also I write some things in my other blog called Nichijō no rezubian* (*everyday lesbian) if you wish to explore in there also.

It is a good feeling to return. I will write more in a short time.


愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Yumi

life can change so fast

It has been some time since I wrote here or anywhere. There is a good reason.

I did something stupid.

If you read this blog for a while you know Toshiko and I have a special relationship. We are deeply in love, deep like the ocean is deep, so deep we even had a wedding ceremony when we were visiting Japan at Christmas time. So now we are married in our hearts if not on paper.

Our special relationship? We each have lovers. Mine is women I meet sometimes, that helps to keep the fire inside me from burning out of control. Toshiko’s is work, that focuses her mind into what she loves most, aside from me. Each of us understands the others’ needs, my body, her mind. Many things in life change, this does not. We have this thing, it is called equilibrium. We have always had an open relationship. Toshiko has never been to another woman, her work has always been her mistress.

Until a few days after we came back from Japan.

It was Tuesday, January eighth at seven-thirty in the evening. I know it so well because it will always mark a point in our lives when some things changed.

Toshiko called me after lunch to tell me she would be late at her office. I should have dinner on my own or go out. It was before I went out shopping for dinner so it was fine. I could have a bite out and go to a club for dancing. Some of the girls I know go there most nights. Tuesday is always one of those quiet nights with not much to do anyway.

I went to a fish place by the harbor for dinner. It is peaceful to eat and drink some wine and enjoy the beautiful harbor right by the water there.

After I finished the last of the wine I had an idea so I bought a bottle and walked home to pickup some glasses. When I opened the door the flat felt so quiet. A flat always feels like a lonely place when you just pop in and only one light is on. I just went to the kitchen to get the glasses, wrapped them in a small towel, put them in a bigger bag with the bottle of wine, switched off the light, and left once more.

Next stop, Toshiko’s office. It would be a surprise.

The guard in the lobby knows me so I went up in the elevator and pressed the door code for Toshiko’s company office when I got to her floor. Down at the end, at the corner, I could see Toshiko’s office light was on. It was the only one switched on in the whole place. She is often the last to leave. Sometimes we order takeout and eat together there.

When I walked to Toshiko’s office with the wine and two glasses in my hands and a big smile I stopped in the doorway.

Toshiko was leaning back on her sofa with her shirt open, her bra off and her pants across the arm of the chair. The long, blonde hair of a naked woman hid the face that was pushed between Toshiko’s legs. Toshiko was making a low sound and breathing hard. I know that sound so well. She sounds that way when she is reaching the mountain peak.

Do you know what is hardest for me to believe? I stood in the doorway and waited for Tosh to have her orgasm. Was I in shock or did my love for her not want to take away her peak? I do not know even now.

I waited and when she was coming down from her high mountain she opened her eyes. And she saw me. She sat up fast and closed her legs and pulled her shirt together. The blonde saw her looking my way and turned around. She was pretty, really very beautiful. She was a little red around her mouth and it glistened a little. I could see in her eyes she didn’t know what to do so she just pulled Toshiko’s pants across herself to cover up and leaned back against the sofa saying nothing.

Toshiko just stared at me. She said “Yumi chan”. I didn’t know what to do so I just dropped the glasses and the bottle on the carpet and walked back out. My face was so hot. I pushed the elevator button over and over. Nobody came out of the office. The elevator came and I rode it down to the lobby and went out the door past the guard.

When I reached the corner of the street I bent down and threw up into the gutter by the sidewalk. My cell started ringing. I knew who it would be so I left it. A picture of that girl between Toshiko’s legs came to my mind and I threw up once more.

Maybe you’re thinking, but Yumi, you sleep with other women all the time, why are you so shocked?

Yes. It is true. How can I be this way when Toshiko does what I do? It’s because this is not the Tosh I know. She enjoys sex when it is with me but she isn’t interested otherwise. Her work is her other lover.

I was there on the sidewalk thinking. Is this the first time? Who is the girl? Has Tosh been doing this for a while? For a long time? I threw up once more but there was nothing left to come out. Now my stomach ached.

This is a very long story. Maybe you do not wish to read this long story. This is what happened next.

I went home and put some things into my little backpack and took my computer. My cell kept ringing but I didn’t answer. I took a cab to a small hotel nearby the main train station and checked in. When they asked me how long I would stay I told them I didn’t know. Maybe a few days, maybe a week.

That was two weeks ago. Toshiko called so many times every day to my cell. She must have looked at all the hotels but she did not find me. All I did for most of that time was drink a lot and eat a little. I was broken Yumi.

Then I stopped. On Monday morning, yesterday, I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was dirty and tangled and I felt so dirty all over. I do remember taking a shower but maybe it was only one or two, not enough. I did not go for running and I was smoking many more than normal. Two weeks of drinking and smoking and room service and not going outside makes a person disgusting to look at and to smell.

I cleaned up all the mess, all the full ashtrays and vodka bottles and underwear and pulled the sheets off the bed and rolled them up in the corner. Then I went to the shower. I stayed in there a long time. I washed my hair over and over and I washed my body over and over. I kept washing until I felt clean.

Then I called Toshiko.

Monday is always Tosh’s busiest work day so I asked could we meet up today, Tuesday. She said she would leave work early and meet me at our flat at 5pm. I said OK.

This morning I checked out from the hotel and apologized for the disgusting room. I paid extra for the cleaning. They said I did not need to but I made them take the money. I asked them to pay extra money to the poor cleaner. Maybe they will, I hope so. I feel sorry for anyone cleaning after two weeks of my bad living. It is all I can do.

It is almost 2.30pm now. I am sitting at a cafe by the harbor with strong coffee and some kind of cake. It’s my second coffee and I may have another one. I know, too much coffee is bad for nervous feelings. OK I will switch to juice.

Thirty minutes more and I will walk around the harbor nearby the MCA and down to the Rocks. It is hard to remain sitting.

What will I say to Toshiko? What will she say to me? Is that woman her girlfriend or only a lover? Will Tosh leave me? Is this the end of us? Will our life be different now? So many questions.

Two hours and a half. At that time I will learn how our life will be.

I said at the beginning I did something stupid. I hope this stupid thing to run away did not kill Tosh’s love for me.

I will know in two hours and a half.

Wish good luck for me.


honeymoon in the snow

Army Photography Contest - 2007 - FMWRC - Arts...

We have been away my Toshiko and me. Six days in the snow all alone only two of us. Everything that can use electric switched off. We used internet sometimes nearby. But. Never in our little winter home. Eat and sleep and play.

It is beautiful to escape every part of life for a short time. We could ski but mostly I ski on my ass. Tosh is master and laughing at me. We play old board games I think it is called. At last we were like children to be best friends at camp. When I was a kid I read about snow camp but I could never go. Now I could go and together with my dearest friend who is now my wife. *giant smile*

Of course we played at night. So many times Toshi took me to the mountain peak and so many times I took her there. We made strong fire to melt snow on the roof and to make great rivers. Some say the fire will go cold after time has passed with your love. Our fire can heat up the whole world.

We are back in Tokyo now. Toshiko is at her main office for today only. OK I did tell her one day only is allowed. It is our vacation and a short time. Do not piss off Yumi. *wink*

Our vacation is almost finished. Six days for honeymoon now passed, Tosh using phone and notebook before and after for working. She has been so good when I know she wishes to work. It is her other love. I know it, I must not keep her away from her other love too long. Two days more then we will be in the airplane once more, return from the cold to the hot weather. I found four new bikinis here, yes even in winter time you can find them, so when we return I will use them all in the first week on different beaches in the hot hot sun.

Toshiko has been asked to stay as boss in Sydney office for two more years. When she told me the offer I was crying. I miss my home and snow and boots and big coats. But mostly I miss my friends there. Tosh has promised we will visit as much as we can and I can always go by myself she said. I know I can but I wish to go with her, my dear heart. She also promised in the winter time in Australia we will visit the places where snow appears. OK maybe it is ok, not the same of course but ok.

Already friends in my home say my speaking sound is different like Australian sound. It cannot be I tell them they are so stupid. I will miss my stupid friends. But. They never leave my heart. The live deep in me.

For many years I will remember the deep snow and our little winter house and our honeymoon. When Toshiko and me are old women with old teeth and bent backs and feet that cannot wear beautiful shoes anymore we will still have Hokkaido and winter and our little snow house. And still in our old days we will have the love.

~~ @ ~~

愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Yumi

our wedding day – I never imagined

Today my sweet and beautiful Toshiko will become my wife.

In all of my life I cold not imagine this would happen ever. Only a few years ago I would laugh and shout so loudly NO NO NO. But. Today I will be a bride!

In this country it cannot be official. But. In my heart it is so real like a dream!

I write this so fast. Soon I must leave. Hair and the makeup all is done. Now the dress and my beautiful new shoes and accessories bought for this day by my dear friends must go on. After I will tell about it all.

Toshiko is not here. She is in my home and I am in the home of my friend. Oh I wonder what style she will choose. Always she is so beautiful in my eyes. Today I believe she may be as a goddess! I do not know, we did not buy our wedding things together. It is the biggest surprise!!!

OMG I cannot cry but my eyes wish to do it. Yumi stop! Do not cry! My makeup is so special and take so long I cannot spoil it at all. I must look pretty for my dear Toshi.

Oh the car is here. It is time I must go now. Bye bye dear friends. After this I will be married Yumi!!! Please wish luck for me.

Love love love,


teasing and a surprise

Did I tease you a little bit yesterday? Oh yes I did.

December 23rd is the day we celebrate the birthday of our dear Emperor. How did I tease you? I wrote the park was empty, no people. On this day many people come there to wish well to our Emperor. I think it is impossible to be alone there on that special day. Please forgive my little joke. If you are from Japan you will think what is she talking about when I wrote that it was so deserted. *wink*

No more teasing from me today ok? I told Toshiko and she said I was so terrible. *giggle*

This week we will be so busy busy busy.

Our friends are creating a party for Tosh and me. It will be Thursday. It is a wedding. Yes you are correct, two women may not be married in this country. But. We can pretend it is real.

All of our friends believed that Toshiko and me can never stay together for very long. They believed we are so different it could not be so. We have been away so long now but when we met our friends when we returned they can see we are truly in love very much. It is completely real.

It was almost two years since that night in Shanghai. (This will open in a new page do not be worry.) Also here.

So our friends will throw a party for us. One friend will dress as the marrying woman and Tosh and me must say some special words to each other. Then our friend will say that we are married. Of course it will not be official. But. To both of us and to our friends it will be real. OMG! I will be married to my Toshi!!! And then BIG party!

When the weekend comes we will go with friends to Hokkaido for snow and ski and onsen (the hot spring). Also it will be like our honeymoon. *big smile*

Maybe you already know it, I am very poor for skiing. My ass will see more snow than my skis I promise you this. I do not care because I will be with my Toshi and our gorgeous friends that we love SO MUCH!!!

Of course I will tell you how the wedding is after the head stops going bomm bomm bomm from the party and the dancing and the cocktails. *giggle*

We will leave soon for late lunch then BIG shopping to buy special wedding clothes and more special gifts for each other and friends for Christmas. Yes I do know we do not have the religion but you know they say you do not need reason to buy gifts right? *BIG smile*

Happy Christmas you guys.

Love from Toshiko and Ayumi xxx

~~ @ ~~

愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Tosh and Yumi

a beautiful life

This morning the promise I made in Sydney was true. At 6am my door closed but so quiet because Tosh was sleeping still.

When I went outside the cold air of the morning touched me all over with fingers made from ice. So. Immediately I started running. Only very gentle running in the beginning to become warm in the muscles or I cannot make it for two times around our Emperor’s park.

On the path when everything in me was warmed and ready I started the full running. There was not one other person nearby me. Maybe the cold was keeping them in their beds.

Oh it is so beautiful so early in the morning when it is cold. The cars always so noisy do not come out until later and all I hear is my feet patting and patting and patting over and over on the path. And I hear my breath go inside me and outside once more with a great cloud passing behind me. It could be that someone going by will think I am the human steam train puff puff puffing along.

I keep a steady rhythm when I run. Some like to go fast and slow and fast but I do not. When my legs go like the train or the animal in Africa running along it becomes my meditation. With pat and pat and pat and pat over and over my mind will go to another place so peaceful. I do not feel my body become tired. The freezing air in my face does not bother me at all. There is only pat and pat and pat and pat. Maybe you can call to me and I will not hear you. We are not in the same place.

Something I learned from running in winter more than any other time is to wear a sport bra. Tight. Of course I must still breathe. But tight. The first time I was running in winter time my titties would bounce about so wild. I do not have big titties but they do move about. In the end of that first time running my nipples were red and very painful after rubbing for so long. Maybe it is so clear now. At that time it was not something I expected. Take care of your nipples, they are very valuable and fun. *giggle*

I came back a little before 8am. Toshiko was sleeping still with covers half on and half off her body in our warm bed in our warm house. I stopped to look at her bottom. Toshi has a beautiful bottom really like a pretty peach. Then I went to the shower. Even when it is so cold outside running for almost two hours will make your body sweat. Toshiko likes to hold me when I have fresh sweat on my body. But. When it is not fresh it is unpleasant to the nose. I did not wake her to enjoy my fresh sweat. Last night was very late for sleeping.

Walking around in only slippers in my old house brings old memories to my mind. Back then the heat was on for the whole winter so we never dressed until we were going outside, Lisa and me. Toshiko is shy to walk around home naked, she always wears a robe. She say it is because she has a little tummy. She has no tummy, she is only shy. I do not know why. I have decided that this winter and here I will convince Tosh to share the joy of being naked in our own home. Yumi does not give up! *wink*

Breakfast is over and I have written all I wish to write for this morning. Time to take a nap with Toshiko. She will sleep until lunch time the lazy pig. *giggle*

I always enjoy sharing these pieces of my life with you but now is the time for us to return to our own lives and the people we love for now. Please enjoy your Sunday.

~~ @ ~~

愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Yumi

dreaming backwards

Early this morning the pat pat pat of my feet along the side of the harbor carried me like a dream back to Tokyo, back to running near my home, on the path around the palace of our dear Emperor.

My dear friend who prepares and sells flowers in her little store, who is staying in my home when I am away, is preparing now to stay with another friend. I told her that Toshiko and me can easily take a room in a downtown hotel when we visit. We do not wish to disturb her happy life. No, she said to me, it is important to stay in my home, the home of my love and me, to feel connection once more to it.

Truly it is our family home. Toshiko is my family, my wife, my only love, in the heart if not in the law. What was my home is now our family home, our home in our homeland.

Tomorrow, in Tokyo, in Aoyama near the royal palace, when we finally sleep, we will sleep in our own bed, in our home.

By the door, the slippers of Toshiko and me will sit when we are out and ready to be worn when we return. I will visit my clothes room to take out the pretty box where the slippers of my old love, Lisa, live. You may read what I wrote about how precious slippers are to me in an entry I wrote last year.

I will sit with this box and tell stories of my beautiful life with Toshiko and of my happy times in Australia. I will ask for her to watch over me. I will tell her that our love lives still in a special place in my heart. I will tell her how Toshiko cares for me now and how I care for her. Lisa, I will say, the love of you and now of Toshiko allow my heart to be free of the blackness of early life. Lisa, I am still a bitch sometimes because I cannot be perfect, even for Toshiko, even for you. But. Every day I thank life for you and I never forget. Every day I try to be the most pure Yumi, your butterfly, that I can be.

Then I will kiss the little celadon box and put it back on its shelf and close the door. And devote all of me to my Toshiko, the one who loves lucky me.

Tomorrow will be rainy in Tokyo the internet tells me. Does it matter that the sun will not be shining? Of course not. Friends will be there. Home will be there. Shopping will be there. And all of the OMG!!! food of my home will be there.

There is no packing to do, my little backpack is ready. A meeting with my agent back home is arranged already. All preparations in this flat are finished. So. There is nothing to do until I go out to meet Toshiko for dinner. No cooking today.

What can I do for four hours? I will go running for two hours, come back, shower and dress for dinner, and walk down to the Museum of Contemporary Art. When Tosh calls I will get a taxi to the restaurant. It is not difficult to use time.

And tomorrow we will fly out of the sun and into the rain and hug and hug and hug dearest friends.

And Sunday, at 6am, raining or not, my feet will run pat pat pat on the path around the palace of our dear Emperor.

~~ @ ~~

愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Yumi

home for winter!

Winter comes to my homeland at this time of the year.

Snow will fall, we must be careful walking in heels on paths covered with ice. Bikinis sleep in the drawer. In the park I would go with my friends to be like children, to throw soft snowballs in their faces and to laugh and fall on the ground.

With friends I would sit in a cafe by the window. We draw funny faces on the misty window then try to remember we are women not little girls. The owner would see us and shake his head an smile a little. Silly girls playing.

I miss those friends who are so far away.

It does not feel right to be here at this time. Grass is green here and the sun shines brightly and hot. My bikinis do not sleep in a drawer, they live on my body, full of sand, on a beach. Sand is for summer but summer is for June not December.

When snow falls on the streets of Aoyama, on the roof of my house, that is my December.

Toshiko has been keeping a surprise for me. She is very good at keeping surprises. In olden times if she was a man she could have been the keeper of secrets for the Emperor.

Toshiko has two tickets, first class, to Tokyo. We will leave Saturday. Oh it is so soon. There is so much to do. There is packing. No, said Toshiko. I may carry only my little backpack with essentials inside. We will be shopping for everything new when we are there. And she has called all of our friends. Some will meet us at the airport with warm coats.

Do you know the feeling of loving someone and then you love them even more? This morning at the moment she was leaving for her office, Tosh gave this surprise to me. I could not kiss her as I wished when her makeup was applied and so perfect so I cried and thanked and jumping up and down. I saw Toshiko’s rare, big smile. Thank you my beautiful love!!!

I will do my best to write when we are away. Please forgive me if it is not so often. We will be so busy all of the time.

Oh in two days we will be there! There is no snow in Tokyo now but friends have promised we will go where there is plenty of snow. I cannot wait for that feeling crunk crunk crunk under my feet. And I will visit Skytree my first time!

Toshiko, you have made heaven for me!!!

~~ @ ~~

愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Yumi

Sam has found a girl

Yesterday late in the afternoon I heard from Sam, the girl I met on my walking journey. It was a while without hearing. People have lives. It is not unexpected, really it is wonderful. She is having a busy life.

The best news is she has a girlfriend! Yes. They met at the cafe where Sam works around two weeks ago. They cannot stay away from each other. Every day dinner or dancing or walking in the park.

Sam told me her friend is strong in her manner and not the tough strong. She can easily make decisions and she is a leader type. Maybe this is good for Sam, she is a gentle girl with soft heart, someone who is very sure may show her many things. She told me her friend is beautiful, of course we think every girl is beautiful in the beginning. I have no photo to know if Sam is correct or the shining stars in her eyes make beauty. Is it important? No, of course not.

To see my friend is happy in her new life brings music inside my heart. Last night I told my Toshiko this news. She does not know Sam and her happiness is not like my own. But. She can see I am full of joy and so she smiled to me. What she said I can say in English to be like “little girl of romance”. Yes, this is so sometimes.

Tosh asked did I enquire from Sam about how is the sex? I said of course yes. That smile once more “always you are Yumi”. It is so. *giggle*

~~ @ ~~

愛の生活 – Ai no seikatsu – love life

Love, Yumi